12 Things I learned from my dog Sunny

Your needs, for Happiness or entertainment, aren’t always going to be fulfilled nor predicted by others. If you’re bored, find a toy, if you’re sad, find some comfort, alone or with others. Don’t wait on others to mobilize you towards your needs. 

Every animals and person has a unique set of skills. Sunny has a great sense of smell and a selective hearing. She sniffs everything, retraces who passed by this tree or that rock, remembers if she knows them. She can tell if this other dog that likes to pee on the fire hydrant passed by recently from miles away. She likes to leave her own mark on the world too 🙂

She taught me that a free spirit can never be subdued by fear, coercion, deception or command, a free spirit only moves for love.

Guilt and shame are unproductive remedies to mistakes. Shame is the unhealthy mutation of remorse. Remorse keeps us accountable to those we choose to unconditionally love and care for. Too much of it might be caused by a selfish, self-imploding, self-seeking pursuit rather than the need to do better. If we’re so busy drowning in our own shame or guilt, we’ll fail to seek forgiveness, or will be paralyzed from correcting our behavior due some entitlement we weigh our deprecation with. Uncle Iroh from ATLA once said “Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.” 

Children are impressionable, their beliefs are so very malleable, always ready to change direction at the gentle guide posts of a heart that knows itself. As we grow, adults become rigid in the beliefs they cling onto for dear life, afraid of what they might find when they dissolve into the freedom of emptiness. Everything, is open to children, cus kids are open to the world. Life shuts that down with muck and pollution, blocks up the creaks of our hearts.

Depression sucks, for the person depressed, and their loved ones, unable to help a friend unwilling or unable to help themselves, 

When I feel worthless, when I’m heavy, joyless, frustrated, I put up shields of self-protection to keep others out. I may even take these frustrations out on the people around me. I feel generally powerless, and try to apply control on Sunny to feel some kind of control. Wack af huh.

Sunny often looks pissy and annoyed at home, but when she goes outside, the pent up life-force she’s been working hard to hold back in the four walls of our home, bursts in a frenzy. She doesn’t know what to do with all that energy, her eyes bolt left, right, up, down, she sees a squirrel, she flies off. Continuous, sustainable life, joy, contentment, has been unusual for her, just as it has been for me. She works in cycles of restraining all the energy she has, and letting it burst in a frenzy. Ideally, both of us would be able to consistently let life move through us. 

Sunny will fake joy to get some extra snacks sometimes, kinda bizarre huh? I guess she believes she’ll be rewarded for joy, or appreciated, maybe even receive more pets from strangers when she’s gleaming on a Sunny day. Given treats or compliments when she’s smiling. Faking joy to receive attention, acceptance, or reward from others sounds like an exhausting emotional labor I'm familiar with. 

I’m a terrible dad, and have a long way to grow before I’m remotely responsible enough to care for the growth of a human being. I've come a long way, but she'll always deserve more. When she was younger I was pretty harsh, reactive, intolerant and angry. I had to change significantly to be a better care taker for her, to parent gently rather than confrontationally. The changes worked wonder for both us.

There’s something so special in this little doggoe, a fire, a life-force, a personality that I can’t betray. It’s tough man because it makes her so special but also such a pain in the ass sometimes. Her excited wildness (and adhd ass) gets her banned for peeing on her uncle's couches, dirtying strangers pants on snowy days, ripping my best friend's winter coat, even gets her in trouble with the strangers whose strawberries she swiped at the park. A good balance between structure, discipline and mercy is important to make sure she's still special but welcomed in the places she wants to be. I've tried communication, discipline, restraint, redirection, positive reinforcement, but she's still a free spirit, a troublemaker with a good heart, and I will protect that freedom for as long as I can.

If you don’t find something to do with your time, you’re more likely to make your appetites and desires commanding, and suffer every second of your unmet wants. Sunny is always hungry hahahaha.